
Ken Livingstone has done a good job as London mayor - but Boris Johnson will do a much better job. In a traditional political ranking (appearances on Have I Got News For You), Boris beats Ken 7-0. What a result!
"Men of Israel, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know. This man was handed over to you by God's set purpose and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross. But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him. Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ."
When the people heard this, they were largely unmoved, and said "Brothers, it's great that you feel so strongly about your faith - we really respect that aspect of your character."
Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call."
At this, the people were struck with apathy, and muttered "well, it's a little awkward to be preaching like that. We're pretty happy with how Roman religion is panning out, to tell the truth. Imposing your religion on us is not going to happen."
With many other words Peter warned them; and he pleaded with them, "Save yourselves from this corrupt generation." Those who were interested in his message filled out response cards, and three signed up for an Alpha course.
The next day, John saw Jesus coming towards him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world! This is the one I meant when I said, 'A man who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.'" Jesus, hearing these words, replied, "Sorry, what? I think you must have me confused with someone else."* Profoundly Heretical Version
Slightly nonplussed, John gave this testimony: "I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. And I myself did not know him, but I have seen and I testify that this is God's Chosen One." Jesus said, "Be that as it may (although I'm not convinced) I just have some relevant life experiences to share. I wouldn't like to claim any sort of exclusivity for my beliefs, but wouldn't it be nice if we could all learn to love each other a bit more?"