Monday, April 30, 2007

Build an arky arky

In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, " Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights " Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

" Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?" "Forgive me, Lord ," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval because the Ark was over 30m. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary structure, but the roof is too high. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision. The Local Area Access Group complained that my ramp was going to be too steep, and the inside of the Ark wasn't fully accessible, then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark".

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, " You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. " The European Union beat me to it."

Friday, April 27, 2007

Link bombing

There are plenty of things I could be writing about - in fact this week has been unusually eventful - but for now I shall content myself by promoting the website for Central Eurasian Partners, an organisation being set up to link supporters in the East and the West with mission partners in central Europe and central Asia. At the moment when you search Google for Central Eurasian Partners the website doesn't come up so I am linking to the CEP website from various places in order to promote mission in Poland, Slovakia, central Asia and other places.

That should do it!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Films

I just signed up for a month's free trial of DVD rental from Blockbuster. Of course the subscription will mysteriously be cancelled just before the end of the month!

Anyway, there are thousands of DVDs on the website for rental - TV shows as well as movies. So, any recommendations? Anchorman and Borat are already on the list...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Word up

Word Alive was good. I didn't have a mindblowing time and haven't felt completely transformed by the conference, but I did appreciate the teaching. Two relay workers have been blogging their notes on the evening talks from Hebrews, which were great; I actually got hold of more from Charles Price's teaching on Philippians in the mornings. Unfortunately at £4.50 EACH I can't really get hold of them to listen again!

More good news: that was the last time I'll ever visit Skegness (hopefully). Next year Word Alive will be separate from Spring Harvest and in lovely Pwllheli. Hurrah!