Announcing a new Bible translation

The PHV* takes some of Scripture's most clichéd evangelical passages and re-renders them in a form more suitable to today's post-Christian age. An exclusive preview is presented below, with more to follow.

John 1:29ff:

The next day, John saw Jesus coming towards him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world! This is the one I meant when I said, 'A man who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.'" Jesus, hearing these words, replied, "Sorry, what? I think you must have me confused with someone else."

Slightly nonplussed, John gave this testimony: "I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. And I myself did not know him, but I have seen and I testify that this is God's Chosen One." Jesus said, "Be that as it may (although I'm not convinced) I just have some relevant life experiences to share. I wouldn't like to claim any sort of exclusivity for my beliefs, but wouldn't it be nice if we could all learn to love each other a bit more?"

* Profoundly Heretical Version